Tuesday, September 14, 2010

When is forgiveness not forgivness

There is someone who has recently started going back to our church that I . . . I just really don't like her.

Or maybe I haven't forgiven her for how my daughter was treated. She led a small division of a kids group (I am trying to vague so I don't gossip - or at least limit the gossip). It was her duty to come up with learning activities for the kids - you know crafts and things like that. During the instruction she spent a fair amount of time discussing her ex-husband, her current boy-friend then ex-boyfriend, new boyfriend then suddenly new husband. She would cancel meetings and we wouldn't find out until no one showed up. But the final straw was the results of the fund-raiser. The kids would sell items for the fund-raiser and then with the proceeds do something fun like a trip to 6 Flags and The Aquarium during the summer. Well, Daisy worked hard and asked everyone she knew, she was also at the booths where the kids would sell to people going in the store. In addition, her dad took the sales sheet to work and sold a bunch. When the totals came in, Daisy had sold close to half of the groups total. Then there was a planning meeting to discuss when this trip would be made, we all said when we could not make it and a weekend was planned for. Then they had another unannounced meeting and planned the trip for one of the two weekends out of the summer that we were unable to attend.

Daisy was extremely upset but she really wanted to go on the major family vacation that was planned a year prior so she didn't fuss too much.

They gave a consolation prize from the group for not being able to go - a $25 gift card to build-a-bear that she would have also gotten if she had gone.

The next year we joined 4-H instead.

I thought I had forgiven in the passing years but I am not sure now that I am seeing her 2-3 times a week. I just have no use for her, she may have changed but I don't care to find out. Luckily our church is big enough that I probably won't have to talk to her.

It still leaves me wondering, can you forgive someone and then not like the person anymore or is that still unforgiveness?


  1. Hmm. Well, I think if there is still any kind of resentment, that's a form of unforgiveness. It sounds like you still resent her/the situation a little.

    However, I also think that once you forgive someone, it is by no means a requirement that you must fellowship with them. There should still be mutual respect and reverence toward them for the sake of Christ, though.

  2. i agree you can forgive someone without having to like them. holding on to any resentment is not full forgiveness. it's a touchy area...i have struggled with the very same thing. very similar situation. it's not easy, except with God.