I don't know what to say

I don't think I need to say that I miss you. I dreamt about you and you were alive and it was normal again. When I woke up I was so very angry that it was normal and I didn't take the time in my dream to get a few more hugs, even just dream hugs.

I think about all the things I want to tell you or ask you, but you're not there.

It has been a year, and I still miss you Daddy.

a confession

There has been a double standard in my life for years. I made my kids do something I refused to do.

It is shameful, isn't it?!?

My kids are allowed to politely say they don't really like a certain dish or ingredient but they also have to eat a few bites of it if it is part of the meal. For instance, if onion soup is part of the meal, they have to eat a few bites of it but then can just eat the other meal items. I don't make several different meals each time we eat but I do make sure that if we are having something they hate (onion soup) there is something with it that is also part of the meal but something they like (or tolerate).

But they still have to eat a few bites of the unliked dish.

I tease Hubby because he won't eat beets which is one of my favorite vegetables. He has tried them occasionally in the past few years but still says they taste like dirt. Actually, I kind-of prefer not having to share.

Then yesterday it occurred to me that I first tried coleslaw 30+ years ago when I was 4 and . . .

Well . . .

Let's just say it didn't like me. My mother insists that I already had a stomach bug but I have always had my doubts about that. And I wouldn't try it again.

Since I generally wasn't a picky eater and was willing to eat almost everything else, my mom let it slide. She would occasionally ask me to try it but didn't try to force me a second time.

So over 30 years passed with me refusing to try coleslaw. I also wouldn't have it on my plate. I would have it served in a separate container so I could put it as far away from me as possible if the waitresses wouldn't substitute. I didn't even want to look at it. Or smell it (shudder).

Coleslaw was the only dish that could turn me back into a 4 year old.

I wasn't fond of guacamole but I would taste it periodically to see if I still didn't like it. A year ago when we first started gluten-free and were also doing dairy-free, I tried some avocado and it tasted buttery (in the best of all possible ways).

Coleslaw was still avoided.

And this was my facebook status yesterday

It says "I just googled "coleslaw" on my phone and autocorrect suggested "vile" - I agree with google."

But what I didn't say was that I realized it was a double standard and was googling it to find recipes.

I realized I needed to try coleslaw again but I also knew that homemade would taste better. I found a recipe and all of the ingredients were ones that I didn't mind eating either by itself (carrots & cabbage) or mixed with something else (apple cider vinegar). I did cut the cabbage too thick so it didn't look like coleslaw and then I was able to call it salad so my kids would try it with a more open mind than mine.

They won't request it but both said it wasn't bad. They were somewhat surprised when I told them what it was and possibly even more when I apologized for the double standard. Hubby loved it. He has long liked coleslaw and was happy at the idea of homemade coleslaw (possibly also happy about all the probable leftovers.)

Did I like it?

Well . . .

to be completely honest . . .

Yes, I did. I don't think it is my favorite salad (I love green salads with fruit) but I would be more than willing to eat it again. I also want to try out some other recipes that I avoided because they were "slaws."

Do you have a favorite slaw recipe?

You know you have been wearing your hair up too much

when two inches have been cut off and no one notices. Not even your husband. (Ok, to be completely fair, he thought maybe it was shorter. But he wasn't sure.)

Although I suppose it is equally possible that everyone hates it.

Or the color is off putting.

I am thinking of going back to the natural color for awhile but what I have right now is not it. It looks like I tried to copy Ree (Pioneer Woman) and that color just doesn't fit right on me.

What am I naturally? Probably a dirty blond or light brown.

Umm, yep, it hasn't been the natural color very many months since I turned 13.

3 in 30 February Check-up

This month I am doing better than I did last month. For the most part.

But that isn't saying much.

My first goal is reading the Bible every day and I am doing pretty good on that one. I am not behind on the Bible in 90 Days (today is day 40!) but if I am honest, some days I don't read at all and then I have to catch up the next day.

The next goal is doing meal plans. You wouldn't think it would be this hard but it is. I spent 2 hours on it on Monday. Well, I got the meal plan written down, then cleaned out the freezer and found stuff that had been forgotten and so changed the plan. That is why it took 2 hours. But it has been great. I looked at the weather so I could plan cold day meals on the coldest days and it was wonderful. I want to do some bulk cooking but we are still trying to find new recipes (or variations that we can eat) but that will make the whole thing even better.

My other goal was to exercise for 15 minutes a day. Did you know that Texas has been experiencing a freakish couple of cold spells? Really, really cold spells. No, not as cold as it gets where you live (probably) but cold enough to make Southerners miserable. And I have been miserable. We do have a fully functioning heating system but I am a wimp and I was the only one freezing. I just look out the window and feel cold. The idea of jumping around and moving when I really just wanted to hibernate was more than I could bear handle. Next week will be one of those crazy/busy weeks so I am thinking not then either.

So to sum up: I am doing well on 2 out of 3. The other goal is being ignored.

How are your goals?